


Saturday

by Laineygaynee



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/F, rosemary valentines 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 11:35:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13658163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laineygaynee/pseuds/Laineygaynee
Summary: Rose and Kanaya take a day off to indulge in one of their favorite activities: Making fun of bad movies





	Saturday

**Author's Note:**

> A fanfic I wrote for The Rosemary Shrine valentines event. You can find the tumblr for this wonderful server at https://rosemaryserver.tumblr.com/

The sun shining in from your bedroom window had awoken you from slumber once again. Slowly, you opened your eyes to gaze upon the familiar sight of your wife, laying beside you, still enthralled by the bliss of sleep as the morning sunlight refracted off of her bleached hair. You leaned over to plant a kiss on her cheek before slowly rising out of bed, stretching your arms above your head as you yawned from the typical exhaustion that accompanied your first waking up. Fortunately for you, your wife had introduced you to one of Earth's most delicious cures for such exhaustion: coffee.

After a brief trudge down the stairs, you found yourself in the kitchen, sizzling some eggs over the stove top while a fresh pot of coffee brewed in the background. You began humming a medley of half-remembered songs to yourself, barely missing a beat when Rose came through the door and sat down at the table just in time for breakfast.

“Good morning, dear.” She said, a comfortable smile on her face to contrast the bags that had formed under her freshly woken eyes.

“Good morning to you to, dearest.” You replied. Still humming along, you scraped the eggs out of the pan they were sizzling in and onto a pair of paper plates, which you set down at the table in front of Rose. Then, after the coffee got done brewing, you poured it into two mugs, adding just the right amount of cream and sugar, before finally sitting down for breakfast.

Rose, already having made substantial progress on her eggs, briefly set her silverware down for a sip of her coffee. When she was done, she set the mug back down on the table and reached out to hold your hand. You took it, squeezing it slightly as your thumb ran over her knuckles.

“Thank you.” She whispered.

“Don't mention it. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

You got to work on your eggs, taking large bites and washing each of them down with a sip of coffee. Rose followed a similar routine, while taking time for your usual small talk between bites.

“So, what are you planning on doing today?” She asked.

“Well, it's Saturday, which means workers in the brood caverns have a day off. I really didn't have anything special planned for today.”

“Hm. Well, I got to thinking we could get to watching a film.”

“What sort of film did you have in mind?”

“Well, that, dearest, is a surprise.”

You raised your eyebrow inquisitively. Rose's surprises either turned out to be miraculous or disastrous, with very little in-between. Still, even if she was pranking you, or just outright screwed it up, it probably wouldn't ruin your off day.

“Well then, I supposed you'd better get things set up in the living room.” You told her.

“And indeed I shall.” She replied. She got out of her chair and walked out of the room, giving you plenty of time to microwave some popcorn and speculate about what movie she was going to show you. Would it be something from your youths, or something totally new? Would it be a film you adored, or some awful romcom you despised? The possibilities truly were limitless.

The popcorn finally got done popping. You took it out of the microwave and carried it into the kitchen, plopping yourself down next to Rose so you could begin to watch the movie. The TV was blank, save for a small pause icon in the corner, until Rose pressed play. Several logos, which you recognized as being old Alternian, flashed across the screen while the two of you watched in silence. It was not until after these various logos, at the opening shot of of the film, that you knew what you were watching.

The film was “One in which an unassuming jadeblood is torn between an eccentric wealthy highblood rainbowdrinker and a muscle bound lowblooded trollhowlbeast, leading to several angst-ridden dialogues and quadrantal shenanigans,” or, as Rose had called it, “Troll Twilight.” It was a classic from the era in which troll Hollywood could summarize the their films with titles that were but single run-on sentences, rather than the multi-paragraphed essays of what you would've deemed “modern” cinema on your homeworld. In spite of this classical status, the film was utter garbage, filled with boring characters, terrible clichés, and stilted, overly-angsty, pretentious dialogue. It was also aggressively heterosexual and quadrant-oriented, traits that you and your wife found so appalling that a good deal of your free time on the meteor was spent writing equally aggressively lesbian fanfiction of the film to counteract the cursed energies you got from viewing it.

Still, it held a special place in your bloodpusher, partially by being one of the first films you watched as a wriggler, but mostly because some of your fondest memories with Rose were of the two of you mocking it together on the meteor, and subjecting your friends to it whenever and wherever you could. Ironically, one of the worst romance stories ever told had unintentionally looped around to being an indescribably romantic sensation for you.

Naturally, you pulled Rose on for a brief but passionate kiss on the lips. “It certainly was a pleasant surprise.” You told her.

“I'm glad you think so, considering how obvious it was.” She replied.

You rolled your eyes while she turned to face the movie, leaning her back on your chest while you draped your arms around her in a lazy cuddle-hug. For the first hour or so of the movie, which was painfully dull even when you hadn't memorized all the dialogue from repeated viewings, the two of you simply sat in bemused silence, spooning and making occasional small talk. Then, you got to the scene.

Rose, who was slightly more awake than you at the time, suddenly tapped you on the face to get you to look at the screen. When you saw the scene beginning to unfold in front of your eyes, you smirked. The scene in question occurred just after the two idiot protagonists, Edward and Bellah, had been caught in the middle of the deadly Alternian sun after spending too long engaging in flirtatious exchanges that went nowhere. The two lovefeatherbeasts, who's sheer idiocy in getting stuck outside had by this point pushed any semblance of likeability they may have had out the window, were dodging between trees to avoid the deadly solar rays, when it happened.

Edward had, by some miracle of cinematic incompetence, been standing directly in the path of the solar rays without getting scorched. In addition, his skin, usually a purple-tinted grey, had begun to glow a brilliant white due to his bioluminescence kicking in. It was now bleedingly obvious that he was a rainbowdrinker, all because he was too stupid to stay out of the sun, like every troll who was ever born on Alternia learned to do before they could form complete sentences.

Bellah, who by this point was simply staring agouge at Edward, was suddenly subject to a sullen glare from the highblood. You held Rose's hand, biting your lip in anticipation as he began to cry.

“Don't look at me,” He said, his voice wrought with sheer, unending angst. “I'm... a  _ monster _ .”

The two of you squealed like schoolchildren. It was such an utterly bullshit line, so thoroughly stooped in trying to extract an emotional reaction from the angst of a purely unlikeable character hurtling through an equally uninteresting plot, that you couldn't help but find it outrageous. This squealing eventually turned into giggling, both at the absurdity of the film's self-important angst and at how perfectly in-sync your reactions had been, until both of you eventually settled down next to each other on the couch.

“Ah, that was good.” You began, “but I think I've had enough of that for today.”

“Aw, really?” Said Rose, “but there's still one hour of cinematic mastery left!”

“Oh, don't kid yourself, dearest. It's just another hour of plodding, angst, and quadrant baiting until a bullshit sequel-bait ending.”

Rose sighed. “I suppose you're right... Say, do you still have a copy of the sequel script we wrote for this?”

“You mean the one in which Bellah suddenly dumps Edward and starts dating a smarmy, sexy jadeblood and her equally smarmy, sexy alien girlfriend?”

“Naturally.”

“Of course. I have it framed above my makeup station.”

“Well, how about next weekend, we revise that script to cut away the association to this trainwreck and send it over to one of our film studios for production.”

You grinned. “Dearest, sometimes you just have the greatest of ideas.”

“Well, would you expect anything less?” She asked, wrapping her arm around your head to pull you in for a kiss.

“Not at all, my dear.” You replied before leaning in to press your lips to hers. “The thought never crossed my mind.”

 


End file.
